


The Journal of ex-King Arthur

by Kurohitenshi



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5x13 spoilers, Angst, Bottom Merlin, Business Man!Arthur, Canon-Compliant Genderbender, Crack, Depression, Diary/Journal, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Harry Potter World Compliant, Humor, Living in Japan, M/M, Mentions of De-Aging, Merlin as the Magic World's Living Treasure, Modern Era, Past Relationships, Porn, Post 5X13, Professor!Merlin, Reincarnation, Stage Actor!Merlin, Top Arthur, Voyeurism, Weirdness, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 12:00:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurohitenshi/pseuds/Kurohitenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's probably for the best that Arthur should start recording these new memories, after he's been resurrected from a long sleep in Avalon. And so he does, putting thoughts and experiences in one place as they travel through Europe, Asia, and other continents. From the basest desires consisting of the pornographic to the grandeur of embarking a fulfilling journey with family. To the exquisite gift of time that destiny has remarkably given them.</p><p>Like for example: favorite modern world hobbies - taking photos and creating porn videos featuring a willing dark-haired, blue-eyed sexy boy/man who's only too happy to do absolutely anything for him now that he's back in his life; theatre and dinner dates in London; eating Steak; making and raising babies; and just being alive without the pressures of being a King. Oh and loving and being loved in return. In this new life, there's no room for regrets - just an endless amount of time to live life to the fullest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Journal of ex-King Arthur

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of crazy and may be OOC. It can be an attempt at humor depending on how bad it can get but this monstrous thing resided in my mind and my fingers flew on the keyboard a few nights over the course of a few months on and off when I felt like it and now this rainbow-colored cracktastic thing is out of its cage (beware!). Enjoy if you can. Laugh if you must. This is meant to entertain you as it has entertained me haha.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters are the property of BBC. This is merely a work of fiction.

Journal Entry I: One year later

First journal entry. I didn't really think that I would one day actually actively use this but he insisted that it might be a good idea. For me - for us? Since the day when I woke up from more than a millennia of death/slumber, and realized the full implications of that (It really wasn't easy to cope with the loss of the past, the shock of the present, and the uncertainty of the future, especially at first.), I've come to learn to take it one day at a time. And to appreciate this…well, what else can I call it but "Second Chance"?

I'm rambling. I'm out of touch with writing (understandably, right?) and more importantly, in a modern tongue. Merlin is sometimes still amused when I speak with my natural "medieval" speech. It's not like I could understand him that well at first especially when he started saying things like lift, microwave, computer, or cat videos. But enough about me. Really, if I were to focus on how I'm coping, it would be a non-stop comedy show like the ones that Merlin and I watch when we don't feel like going out.

What I really want to write about is the idiot… Yes, you. Stop hovering like a fishwife and leave me to my thoughts for one moment. There's a good lad.

As I understand it, it's been almost one thousand and six hundred years since I died in the arms of my beloved friend. The memories are vivid and though the agony of trying to hold on to life and grasp on for those final moments so I can say my last words are nothing but a memory to me, it seems like for *him*, something broke.

How to explain this better? How to start? I guess I should explain it better through a summary of the first year of my "resurrection."

It happened in Avalon, in the lake, and he'd been waiting at the shore. I woke up as if in a dream and found myself drifting in a boat. It was a misty morning and the cold seeped in through my chain mail. I half expected there to be a sharp blinding pain in my side but I felt no pain. Instead, I saw an early dawn light up above and the smell of wet grass. When I forced my creaky bones to move so that I may sit up, the boat was nearly at the shore. And that's when I saw him: a familiar young man wearing foreign clothes and with world-weary eyes as if the world's troubles were upon his shoulders - eyes that were first glimmering with strong denial, then fierce disbelief, and then…

The rest of the story after that… Well, let's just say that it was lovely, humbling, and it felt a bit like coming home. To breathe again. To see my most precious friend running without regard for anything else, all wide eyes, meeting me before I could scarcely move myself, thus getting himself soaked in the lake in the process. The water around us as I stepped off the boat was freezing cold (but it meant that I was alive, so alive). I opened my arms in relief to catch the force of his tumble towards me - feeling the force of his arms wrapping around me, the hot tears burning against my neck, the fierce tremble in his body (Why was it so thin like he was the one who rose up from the dead?), the gasps from his lips as he begs me heart-wrenchingly to please not leave him again.

He taught me a lot in that one year but like I said, that is more comedy than anything else. Because in between all the learning and reading and watching and coping with the past (and the present and future), in between our familiar banter, and his crinkled smiles, and the surprising relief (and uncertainty) of having no present purpose, there was just him and me. And all that that entails.

I notice for the first time that although he is genuinely happy to see me, having waited for me for all those centuries, there is something about him that's bereft, something that feels perpetually broken. When his laughter ends abruptly and there is a haunted look in his eyes even though he's still smiling, I just *know*. But then again, I could never really know. How could I ever understand the loss of centuries when I've been conveniently knocked out? It's like his magic all over again. Why does he keep sacrificing so much for me?

Signed,  
Arthur Pendragon

***

_Arthur looks up as he shuts the black leather-bound notebook on the desk in front of him. As always, his eyes search out Merlin - through the window, Arthur can see that he's outside in the garden, tending to his beloved vegetables and flowers with magic, making little butterflies and petting the neighbor calico cat who had sat next to him in curiosity at the spectacle. The idiot. Perhaps no matter how long Merlin has lived or will live, his true nature will always be gentle, well-meaning, and innocent._

_When Arthur steps out to join him in the garden, Merlin is no longer in sight but instead there are two cats instead of one. A little bit amused, Arthur leans down to pick up the black cat and cradles him while he strokes his head._

_"I can't believe I ever thought that magic was all evil," Arthur says with a low chuckle, looking at the cat's indignant eyes._

***

II. One year and six months later

The first year had been mostly about mobile phones, computer, the Internet, television, movies (I have a fondness for action movies but Merlin thought I was being a nuisance after I got a bit too rowdy the first few times in cinemas and so banned me for awhile). I'd like to think that much has improved during the last six months… I guess I've had an epiphany. These days, I find myself with a modern instrument all the time, after I learned its purpose and its results. This is my latest hobby.

I am a camera man now. Or a photographer. And I love to take videos. Of him. Of us. And especially of him.

He's still painfully thin but it's already a huge improvement from last year when he looked frighteningly on the verge of death himself. But to me, there's still this - it must be the bones that are sharply in contrast against his paleness: the sharp cheekbones, the pronounced clavicles below his long graceful neck, his lithe frame, shoulders, arms, knees, and most especially the jut of his narrow hipbones. Not to mention the plump lips and long lashes. I suppose that now that I am free from the burdens and expectations of being a reigning King, I have definitely been taking advantage of the freedom of looking, feeling, and just documenting *him*. I admit that now that I have so much time in my hands to pursue what I really wanted, I've become addicted. There is not a single day when I could not resist to take photos of him. After the first month of this new obsession of mine, he finds himself no longer conscious of it, which is even better.

I like to take photos of him whenever he's still sleeping, stolen moments in the blue-grey colors of dawn, messy black hair on the pillow, lips slightly parted, his expression sometimes in a peaceful state and sometimes in deep worry. Or when he wakes up, and gives me one of his crinkled smiles that has no hint of the shadows from That Time.

Having so much time in this new life (and trying to cope with no immediate responsibility of running a kingdom really), I couldn't resist the perversity of videos also. So when we've finished with the morning pleasantries (smiles or hugs or some kisses), and we've moved on to having him clenching and bouncing on my cock, legs spread wide or on all fours, screaming into his pillow, I love to zoom in on his parted lips, to record the moans that's wrenched from them as he pleads with his "Please Arthur!" or "Faster, go faster!" or "Yes, like that!" or "Fuck me until I can't walk, Arthur!" (Stop hovering Merlin and ouch! I told you to stop hovering like a fishwife the last time too, right? Yes, I'm writing about the videos and no, I'm not going to stop because we both know we love to re-watch them together while you're wiggling again on my lap at the computer desk. Now shoo.)

I like to take close-ups of his wet eyelashes when he's had a good cry, right after he's made me make a desperate promise never to leave him. The agony is tangible even in film/digital.

I like to take close-ups of the way his mouth stretches so wide around my cock, his lips wet, as if I could hear his moans even after I print the photo. I haven't decided if I like this photo better than the close-up of my cock buried deep in his tight little arse while his own cock leaks so much, it's a second away from spurting forth his orgasm. Or even better yet, whenever he transforms into a girl (like he did when he was The Dolma that nasty kinky tease… though I'd rather have him young and not wrinkly thanks) and I have him spread his thighs wide for me and I'm in the shot, the tip of my tongue against the tip of his swollen clit and my fingers deep inside the wet and warm tightness. I guess I like all three photos then.

How had I resisted him all those years ago? Who had seen him at his most vulnerable then? Just the thought of anyone else having him (no matter how long ago dead they've been damn it) gives a painful jolt to my stomach. Merlin and Lancelot seemed way too friendly, didn't they? They were such close friends. Maybe he'd been Merlin's first? Not to mention Gwaine! The interest that Gwaine gave Merlin from the first meeting to the very end had been quite palpable. I could still feel the bitterness I had felt thousands of years ago whenever I saw Gwaine's flirty behavior around Merlin. Even the rest of the knights had been touchy-feely with Merlin…who knows how many of them had gone further? Just the thought that the giant Percival might have manhandled Merlin's lithe body against a wall or a tree or the tavern wall is just too much. And that's not even including Will who had a possessive look in his eyes as well! The feeling of being proprietary is endless when it comes to him. Still - he must be the best actor there is for having me convinced that he was an idiot all those years ago. What an idiot.

Well, this entry has gotten me riled up. Time to lay my claim and fuck him…until he can't walk. (As he has always requested.)

***

_Merlin is very sore but very very satisfied._

_Merlin's eyes are also wide in shock and embarrassment as he finishes reading Arthur's latest entry in his so-called diary. Diary - really? It was reading more like a cheap porno. With flushed cheeks and a glare at the sleeping figure in the bed, Merlin shuts the notebook quietly and decides to hide it. He couldn't burn it because truthfully, how could he destroy anything of Arthur's when he'd had nothing of him for so so long? But then again… all that talk about photos and fucking. Merlin swallowed nervously and wondered if he should stop giving Arthur free reign at taking photos and videos of their love making. But then, just one look back at the golden head laying against the pillows and the slow clenching of happiness/agony/foreverness (destiny!) in his heart reconfirmed once more that, for this man, Merlin would most definitely do anything…_

_Of course, he's still hiding the diary though. Because really - Arthur was a prat!_

***

III. Three years later

He went ahead and confiscated my journal notebook (for so long too! I wanted to document so much and missed a lot of chances.) even though it was a present from him during our first Christmas together. But alas, I've found it and I'm glad to continue documenting my so called non-royalty life. (What ever happened to Once and Future King? Afterlife must have just got sick of me whining about wanting to go back and thus kicked me out of there.)

We've been traveling. Having learned all that I could in libraries, TV, movies, and the Internet, we went forth on this new adventure to explore the world outside our tiny but cozy bungalow in Cardiff.

We went to London and that was a dizzying circus of red double-decker buses, pedestrians, The Underground, and foreign and familiar sights and smells. I liked the play we went to though. It was dark and the focus was the stage. The actors were fantastic and the theme of war and horses was a familiar one. I guess it's our first ever "date" in the big city.

We went backpacking through the continent after that. Like modern day gap year kids with a list, we went forth and did St Patrick's day in Dublin, climbed the steps up the Eiffel Tower, used his magic to have a private (invisible) midnight tour of The Louvre, had real Belgian waffles in Belgium, rode a gondola in Venice, spied on the Pope (invisible), did the Bull Run, explored the Black Forest, drank ourselves silly at Oktoberfest in Munich, gazed up at the Northern Lights, and took advantage of his teleportation abilities in a really lewd way when in just one day, I fucked him hard against the wall of one of the Pyramids in Giza right before the sun rose, fucked his mouth in The Great Wall of China till he choked on my come, sucked him off in the middle of Machu Pichu till he screamed my name, licked and fingered his girl form in one of the Lord of the Rings Hobbit holes set in New Zealand, watched him bounce up and down on my cock as a girl (continuation from New Zealand) in a deserted scientist's camp in the middle of Antarctica, and then fucked him in his boy form once more on top of the desk in the American President's Oval Office. Because really. I just had to. Fuck him in all seven continents that is. Just to get it through to his head that I've marked him, he's mine, and no matter where in the world, that will never change.

Yes, really. You're looking again, sweetheart. Now turn into a woman. The whole world knows how your ass is sore, baby. You're all dripping wet though, aren't you, darling?

Excuse me.

***

_Arthur smirks as he watches Merlin limping a little bit as they reach the camp. They've just finished their lovely romp around the world and are looking for a place to stay for the night. Merlin had insisted on showing him something here in Romania. Arthur is quiet as he lets Merlin do the talking with the camp residents. Merlin seems to know most of the people here (who, by the way, have a bit of a fondness of wearing robes unlike the more normal ones who prefer trousers and shirts). A stocky man with ginger hair called Charlie Weasley shows them around with a bright smile._

_The fierce roar, the smell of of leather and fire, and the heat and rumble of the ground are all a simultaneous hint of what was in this camp._

_When Arthur sees the first one, he is stunned speechless in mixed horror, fear, wonder and humility. He also misses the security that his chain mail and Excalibur used to provide._

_But Merlin is merely smiling a small smile beside him as if the dragons aren't beasts, but instead kin._

_"I told you I was the last Dragonlord, didn't I?" he says, eyes shining with so many things left unsaid. "Arthur, I am yours to command, in the past, in the present, and in the future. The dragons are also yours because I'm yours."_

***

P.S. I learned something new today. Aside from it being possible to fuck your sorcerer soulmate within an inch of his life in every continent of the world in just one day. Apparently, Merlin did not waste time when I was in Avalon. The dragon Kilgarrah had died not too long after my own demise and feeling a fierce duty to the only kin he had left (this was after his mother passed away), he set out to tame and train the young white dragon Aithusa and, with his forgiveness and her help, sought out the last remaining dragon eggs. He said he found five all in all of different breeds. They were all over the world. He said that he only searched during the day and made sure to ride back on Aithusa to Avalon at nightfall. It probably took two centuries to do the "Dragon Quest" as he called it. After he raised the dragons into adulthood, he made sure to base them in a secret place in the continent and taught the local wizards about the care and feeding of them so that they could be tame enough to be of use to the magical society. And when he returned full-time to Albion, it was to take on a group of four of the most brilliant students that he could find - wizards and witches who would, with Merlin's blessing, become the founders of the infamous (in magic society that is) Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry up in Scotland. Merlin also paved the way for the separation of the magical and non-magical world (probably because of his first-hand experience at being a witness to so many witch-burnings and the like) and setting up its own government although he never ever liked to take part in it as its leader.

He did not tell me all this, by the way. As we sat that night around a big fire, it was the wizard Charlie who told me about the history of both the dragon camp in Romania and his old school back in Scotland. Apparently, Merlin is very famous and has done wondrous things in the magical world. It's almost hard to believe, especially if you're listening to all these stories while you're holding on to Merlin himself as he drools sleepily against your shoulder. To me, he will always be the boy from Ealdor, skinny and innocent, my servant and friend who kept trying to sacrifice his life for mine as if his life was nothing to him, my lover who cares so deeply, my soulmate who will always be part of my life and my destiny…the man who waited a thousand years and more for my return. And would wait a thousand more.

***

_It's been about two hours since they retired for the night, feeling a bit hazy from the liquor coursing through their body. Charlie had given them a room inside the camp's officer building, one that had the best amenities as if he had an inkling of how important Merlin was to their dragon camp (even though Merlin did not in fact reveal that he was the actual Merlin of the legends). All the things he'd learned was still swimming through his mind and no amount of journal-writing could sort it out. It was a little hard to believe, especially since he'd spent so long in his distant past believing that Merlin was nothing more than he was…and how much potential he'd missed or didn't utilize. How much Merlin had thrived with all these successes once Arthur was gone._

_"Merlin?"_

_"Hm?" Merlin says sleepily from his side of the bed. As usual, he's facing in the opposite direction while Arthur is sleeping on the left side, like in the past._

_"You're pretty important in the magical world. In the non-magical world too, everyone knows your name."_

_"I suppose…" There is a bit of hesitation in Merlin's voice, as if he is ashamed. "Are you angry?"_

_Arthur is a bit surprised. "Why would it upset me?"_

_There is a slow movement in the darkness and then Merlin turns so they're looking at each other in the eyes. There's a morose expression on Merlin's face._

_"Arthur, to do all that, I left your side for hours at a time. Not all the time but sometimes, I got caught up. I always made sure to be in the shores of Avalon at some point during the day. I made sure that I never forgot you. When I had to sleep, I always did it as close to you as possible."_

_"Merlin…"_

_"Yes?"_

_Arthur reaches across the space between their bodies and clasps their hands together. It's unsurprising that Merlin's slim hands are cold so he rubs them slowly to put some warmth back into them._

_"Did you…" Arthur clears his throat, feeling a bit foolish at his question. "Doing all that, you must have had companions? The Dragon Quest, uniting the magic world and setting up their government and schools and all that. Merlin, your legend is even greater than my own. You… And yet here you are, the same boy from Ealdor. You must have been so popular, having friends, lovers…"_

_Merlin's head tilts to the side in curiosity before he smiles ever so slightly._

_"Will you never change, Arthur?" he says, a teasing lilt in the whisper he says in the dark. "Stop being so jealous. And no, I never had a lover or anything like that although I can't deny that I was never touched."_

_Arthur's heart clenches for a brief moment and it's so absurd because of course it's just logical. Of course Merlin has had sex while he was dead._

_Merlin shrugs and his voice is quiet._

_"None of it meant anything, Arthur. It's not like I paraded my ass around, begging for it. It never felt right." And in a smaller voice, "Half of it, I didn't even want it."_

_"What do you mean?" Arthur asks in shock, wondering if he heard it wrong._

_Merlin just laughs it off, although there's something very haunted in his eyes, as if he might break if Arthur pried any more._

_"Too many questions tonight, Arthur." he whispers, shaking his head. "I'll tell you all my secrets but not all at once. I promised, remember? Besides, I've said this before but maybe you've forgotten… There will never be another like you, Arthur."_

_Arthur takes a deep breath and sighs before pulling Merlin against his chest so that there's no space in between them. He wraps his arms around Merlin's waist and just squeezes them together as if their souls are trying to merge. Their hearts beat against each other as their chests rise and fall with each breath. Merlin's bony knees knocks against Arthur's and their soft cocks are nestled against each other in the most intimate way._

_"I love you, Arthur." Merlin whispers, his warm breath tickling the skin under Arthur's jaw._

_"Merlin, I…" Arthur says, cringing at his sudden hesitation, but unable to say anything else._

_There's a small smile pressing against Arthur's collarbone._

_"I know." Merlin says. "Good night, Arthur."_

***

IV. Three and a half years later

After learning much about the world in a physical and experience-heavy sort of way, I'm glad to say that we are back in our homeland. Our Albion. We've gained many friends, many new happy memories, and I just know that something has grown exponentially between us, as if the wide unreachable gulf that separated us before is much more manageable. It's still there from time to time but all in all, we can manage much better now.

From Cardiff, we move to Glasgow (just because one day, all of a sudden, he said "Take me to Glasgow."). With the initial intention of just going to Glasgow to take him, it's evolved into something else. We decide to join uni and for some reason or another, he sets out to do acting school while I go and study business (because apparently that's how to take power these days) with fencing and football as my hobbies (because apparently, creating porn constantly is not a healthy hobby according to the sexy idiot).

Maybe because of his past, he does angst really well (and humor also because he is an idiot haha). He loves Shakespeare (he said he even met him once and might have become a muse for one of the characters - Ariel, was it? - as if to tease me into jealous shagging). He's a brilliant actor and gets a lot of practice plays and whatnot at school. But he does angst really well and gains quite a following and even offers from London.

Despite all the new and happy memories we've made these three and a half years, I can't seem to get rid of that thing that is still there - that hopelessness, that longing, that endless fear of him losing me again. I can't ever promise him anything but it affects him in ways as if it will never fade away. It's a hurt that goes so deep, a wound that has festered on for countless centuries. I hold him close as often as I can and especially at night, in the dark, while we're under a blanket. Nothing I say or do will get rid of that - that elephant in the room, that unwanted third party.

I brought him to see a specialist once and he only went to humor me even though he wasn't happy about it. When I finally heard the verdict from the doctor's lips, I almost smacked myself.

Of course, it's depression. I've already read about this before but everything that has plagued him for more than a thousand years seemed too great to be contained in a single word. It feels like a bloody cop-out word.

Nonetheless, there is therapy and even pills for this, something even magic can't repair. I semi-bully him into this, and he is resistant at first but eventually learns to go on his own.

When he comes home one day and tells me that maybe there could be hope after all, he starts weeping and for the first time in this new life, I weep along with him.

***

_After a short nap, Arthur wakes up to see Merlin sitting by the window, watching the gloomy grey skies outside as rain falls. There is a tension in the lines of Merlin's shoulders, his bare back._

_"What's on your mind?" Arthur asks, his voice a little bit sleepy._

_It takes a moment for Merlin to answer but when he does, his voice is low, barely heard. "I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm not as strong as Gwen was. Years have defeated me. You deserve better."_

_"Merlin…" Arthur sits up from the bed. He's not good with words or with emotions. Uther had raised him to be a killer since birth and once upon a time, he'd even been proud of killing innocents (as long as they were of magic), under the guise of the "greater good." (And to think, Merlin could easily have been one of them.)_

_Merlin turns his head to look into his eyes, a small smile on his face. It reminds Arthur of a memory from his last day of life so long ago. "I know… You only love me for my body. Is that my charm?"_

_Arthur groans at the joke before getting up from the bed and, with his knight speed and strength that never diminished, forcefully pins Merlin against a desk, amongst his school books. He leans down and growls into Merlin's ear, "Why don't I show you if I'm affected by your charm?"_

_Merlin's already excited. Arthur looks down at the leaking cock between his legs and the wetness glistening against his hole. He reaches down and rubs a finger against it, making Merlin gasp and squirm, trying to get more friction._

_"I love that your magic reacts like this. That it makes you wet and ready for your King. You were made for me, weren't you? I was made using magic. And years later, you were created for me."_

_Arthur inserts two fingers at once and Merlin clenches in excitement as he rubs against the pleasure spot deep inside him. His other hand starts stroking Merlin's cock, keeping the thrusts and the strokes in sync so that Merlin shuts his eyes as the pleasure mounts._

_"Look at me." Arthur commands in a low voice. "Don't go anywhere. Don't imagine anything else. Be here. Know that it's me. You're mine and you and I both know that you've been mine since we met. Since you were born even. So don't ever doubt yourself."_

_Opening his eyes, Merlin nods his head, swallowing nervously even as his cheeks are flushed and small gasps escape his mouth as he's pleasured by hands and fingers._

_"Ready?" Arthur growls, his fingers and hands moving abruptly away and repositioning themselves so that they're lifting Merlin's legs up, parting them as wide as possible as he tries to pin them against Merlin's chest._

_"Please!"_

_And suddenly, Arthur's cock is pushing against the slippery tightness that's trying to steal his breath away, pushing, pushing and trying to get in until there's a give. He's rough as he shoves it all the way in because that's how Merlin likes it, like a starved man who wants as much cock and cum in every part of his body because he's been craving it for thousands of years, maybe even before they'd even met (to fill the emptiness that was only filled when they met)._

***

V. Five years later

By some weird coincidence, we run into Lancelot and Guineveire, proud middle-aged owners of a Bed and Breakfast in middle America while Merlin and I are on a cross-country summer road trip. It surprises me that there is no pang when I see them and when I ask Merlin about this reincarnation business, he shares some new details about the life he'd led while I was in Avalon.

Merlin said that he had three favorite disguises while he was Waiting - the old man, the kitten, and the little boy (I've since taken photos of him as an adorable little boy just so I could show it off to our friends, to his mortification. lol). He liked being an old man because old men are rarely bothered and he could go about as he pleased, even as a wraith wandering around a bloody lake all the time. No one cares about old men and he was left alone to wallow in his misery…the idiot. Emo idiot. 

His second favorite disguise was parading around as a fluffy little black kitten. He said this was his default Animagus, whatever that means. I just know that he's bloody adorable. And I suppose it has a lot of uses too especially since he spent a lot of time in hiding because of witch finders who never really stopped their job until he started the division of magical/non-magical worlds. 

He also said he had a "reset" once in awhile, just so he could feel human again and to do this, he'd live some years out as a small child, aged about five. It was easy enough for people to pick him up from the roads, an orphan in need of a home, food, and shelter. This was how he'd met Lancelot and Gwen once, he said. They took him in and raised him as best as they could even though they had no memory of their past lives as Knight and Queen. He stayed with them until another war broke and he said his good-byes to them at age twelve, so he could aid in the war. Although he didn't wipe their memories clean, he assured them with magic that he would be fine and that they shouldn't look for him. He said that those seven years with his friends gave him the strength to face countless more centuries after that.

I also learned that the reincarnation process has a certain pattern to it too. Lancelot and Gwen are soul mates and for every time that Merlin finds them, they are always together (except for that one time when I was there apparently). Merlin says this with a longing and a pang and as if he couldn't be more obvious, I get the hint and thus drag him to Las Vegas so we could be properly married damn it. The whole thing is funny and over the top but our vows are real…except when it comes to "till death do us part." Merlin refuses to say them and instead says, "when death comes, there will never be another parting. If you die, I will follow." which shocks the minister but is acceptable nonetheless.

Naturally, we spend our honeymoon locked up for days until, parched and hungry and sore, he begs to see the real world again.

P.S. We met brothers named Sam and Dean in our American road trip. We helped them out on some ghost hunts and whatnot. Merlin revealed his magic for the first time in a long time to people besides me. They were pleased but not very surprised. They were more amused that he was named Merlin and I, Arthur. They were our best men and witnesses during the wedding since we didn't know anyone else.

***

_Arthur looks down at where they're still connected, his cock buried deep in Merlin's girl form._

_"You think we made one today?" he asks seriously, a small smile on his lips. "Fitting right? A honeymoon baby?"_

_Beneath him, Merlin is grinning back. "You really want one huh?"_

_"Why do you think I ask you to turn into a girl so often and come all over the insides of your pussy? I'm breeding you obviously." Arthur says in a cocky voice as he's still shallowly thrusting even as his erection was slowly softening inside Merlin._

_Shaking his head, Merlin just shrugs even though his eyes dance in amusement. "You're such a prat, Arthur."_

_"Idiot." Arthur says with a chuckle before leaning down and planting his lips against Merlin's in a wet and sweet/salty kiss._

***

VI. Six years later

We find Gwaine in London after one of Merlin's plays - a play that involved him getting full-on naked on stage (so I had to restrain myself against putting marks on him all this time) and seducing a cop by wriggling on said cop's lap so as to steal his gun. Really, what a bloody and indecent tease. Full-frontal nudity in front of a huge crowd. He might as well bend over and spread his cheeks, throatily pleading to be fucked by fingers, toys, and cocks (which I do for the rest of his fans after every show). I was hard for most of the play (and I watched each one of them damn it so the royal bollocks are turning sort of blue). Where is the innocent young lad from Ealdor who came up to me one day to say "royal prat" while looking at me from underneath dark lashes…oh never mind. Always been a flirt. (Always been gagging for it.)

After the play, as he's walking to me while I wait by the car, a man with Gwaine's build, face, and his eyes but with surprisingly shorter hair approaches us with an easy smile and asks for an autograph. He's flirty and introduces himself as a photographer. Knowing that he truly was Gwaine's reincarnation, we have drinks with him like old times even though he has no memory of us. He has an obvious crush on Merlin though he's not really acting on it but is just laughing it off. When he asks permission to take photographs of my husband, I find that I can not protest as long as I'm in the same room. Merlin is a lot more hesitant but after I flatter him and use pet names like "sweetheart" and Gwaine catches on and starts complimenting him, he finally agrees.

A week later, in our London flat, I find myself witness to some unbelievable eroticism.

It starts out innocently enough. Merlin wears some designer clothes that cuts close to the lines of his body, showing off his slimness. His hair is long enough that it falls to his eyes. He looks shy yet sexy, with a look in his eyes that dares you to fuck him senseless. There are enough of those shots that we take a short break and drink to loosen up the mood. Gwaine and I talk much about photography (and football) and as the drinks flow, he gets me to admit that I love taking nude photos of my Merlin. He jokes that he wants to see and to both our surprise, a slightly tipsy Merlin just grins seductively and says that maybe he'd just like to take some himself.

And so Gwaine helps me do some Japanese bondage knots on my naked Merlin, with his legs splayed about obscenely and his body hairless (through magic) and smooth because of the play so we could see how the pucker of his pink arsehole clenches in excitement right before I shove a lubed-up vibrating dildo inside. The click-click-click is constant and Gwaine is taking close-ups of the clench, the slow deliberate penetration, the glistening of wetness, and even the wonder of my face as I start thrusting the dildo inside his tight slippery hole. When I swap out the dildo for a vibrating plug and step back so I am standing beside Gwaine as he puts the camera down, I just know that there's nothing that I want to forget about that moment so I turn on the video camera in its tripod and do some close-ups of Merlin's parted lips (and yes, there's a safe word but he's clearly enjoying this), tongue licking it once in awhile, teeth biting it once in awhile, the fierce arousal burning in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks, the grip of the rope all around his body making a slight indent across his chest and arms and hard little nipples, and his hard leaking cock in between long slender legs open wide and shameless and of course the beautiful way that the vibrator is shoved deep inside him making him shake and moan as quietly as he could as if he can control it. It's fucking perfect.

There's no words but just an understanding as I nod to Gwaine and suddenly both our cocks are out and we're watching with bated breath as the vibrator finally makes my husband shudder in such a sexy way as he throatily cries out "Arthur!" in such a state that all of a sudden, both Gwaine and I cover him with our come at the same time, all over his own come, the ropes around his body, both his nipples, his cock, his clenched little pink hole still wrapped around the vibrator, his long legs, and even on his cheeks and lips. Merlin opens his eyes and finds mine and he smiles as he licks the come on his lips and the thought that it could be either mine or Gwaine's doesn't bother me. Gwaine, of course, starts taking more photos of Merlin's thoroughly debauched state.

We don't really see Gwaine all that much after that. He was very happy with the photos. He said that he was actually (usually) straight and it had felt like an out of body experience. As if he'd been drawn to Merlin by magic, which of course is understandable.

***

_Gwaine had long left their flat and it is probably three in the morning. Arthur and Merlin are curled up on the couch, listening to one of Merlin's favorite indie bands while they sip some quality red wine and eat some chocolate. They're both naked, facing each other. Arthur's hands keep running all over the marks that the rope had made, leaning down once in awhile to kiss and soothe._

_"Why'd you agree to it?" he asks in a serious tone, though his eyes are earnest._

_Merlin shrugs at first and a flush stains his cheeks. Then he smiles a little bit coyly and looks up at Arthur. "You wanted it."_

_"Well, yeah but…did you? Really?"_

_"Do you want to learn a secret?"_

_Arthur is surprised and straightens immediately, attentive and eager. Since he'd risen up from the dead, Merlin had promised to tell him *everything* although the times when he actually did was not all that often. Merlin had lived too long and had experienced so much. Outside of the ten years they'd been together when Camelot was at its finest, Arthur had much to learn about the other man._

_"Please," Arthur says in response. "Your secrets are always welcome to me."_

_"This might not be a happy one though, I'm warning you. You still want to hear it?"_

_"Of course, Merlin."_

_And so Merlin confesses slowly about the time after Arthur's fall at Camlann and their parting at the Lake of Avalon. Arthur learns about how Merlin stood vigil at the lake for as long as he could, mourning what felt like the other half of his soul._

_"I never felt complete after that and that's probably why my defenses were down - that's how they got me."_

_"What do you mean? Who got you?"_

_"Witch finders." Merlin says, and his eyes are sad even though he almost looks like he's trying to seem amused. "I was so stupid, Arthur."_

_"They got you? They captured you?"_

_"My reputation had grown by then. I guess I was recognized in Camelot by that time. Gwen *knew*. I got letters from Gaius by raven. Even Geoffrey of Monmouth started writing about me, even though he seemed kind of confused and thought I was really an old man."_

_"You didn't answer the question."_

_"Yes," Merlin says, closing his eyes as he frowns to himself. "Yes, Arthur they got me. They knew where to find me, they knew who I was… They were prepared. They put me in a collar that suppressed my magic. I thought at first they were sent by Gwen because they were dressed in Pendragon colors. I trusted them." And here his eyes open and they're brimming with unshed tears. His shoulders begin to shake._

_Arthur holds on to his shoulders and leans in to kiss each eyelid, tasting salt and agony._

_"They imprisoned me for twenty years, maybe more." Merlin whispers finally, revealing his secret._

_Something in Arthur's heart clenches as he gasps and just stares at Merlin's eyes. His own body starts to shake, anger bubbling forth._

_"Did they hurt you?" he manages to ask, his voice harsh in controlled rage. The feeling of powerlessness is overwhelming, making his head spin. What else could he do? It was so long ago. He'd been dead at the time. Merlin had faced all that alone. Arthur's hands clenches into fists, aching to hurt someone or something._

_"There's nothing more you can do, Arthur. This was more than fifteen hundred years ago." Merlin responds, trying to keep his voice light and reassuring._

_Through gritted teeth, Arthur repeats his words, "Did they hurt you? You owe me this, Merlin. No more secrets, remember? You swore to me!"_

_Merlin sighed then finally nodded. "Arthur, why do you think I like it rough when we have sex? They spoiled me for it. They were so happy when they found out that I never aged too even when I watched them grow old and grey."_

_"Oh God!" Arthur shakes his head, shutting his eyes tight as if that could help. In Merlin's ear, he whispers. "I'm sorry. I should have risen then when you needed me the most. You were so alone. You deserved so much yet all you kept getting was even more heartache… I'm sorry, Merlin."_

_Arms close him as if he was the one needing comforting and Merlin whispers back, "It's not your fault, Arthur. Those men were evil but they got what they deserved in the end."_

_"What happened?" He forces himself to open his eyes, to stare at Merlin's eyes once more._

_"Sir Percival." Merlin says. "After all that time, he was the only one who tried to solve the mystery of my disappearance. According to today's legend, I got trapped in a cave. But he found me. He killed all of them singlehandedly and rescued me. I…" Merlin falters so Arthur shifts so that they're facing each other, eyes upon each other. Both of them are weeping. "I thought it was you, Arthur. At first, I thought it was really you. I had prayed to all the gods. But it had been Sir Percival and he was so much older then. He had a beard and his hair had bits of grey though he remained strong enough to carry me out of there and back to Camelot. So I was there to learn that Gwen and Leon had married. And met their children who by that time looked to be the same age as my physical form. But I missed Gaius' death. I missed my mother's death. But I was relieved that Gaius finally married Alice in the end and they were happy. And my mother… Well, they said that she had been cared for in Camelot. That Gwen never forgot her kindness when she had lived with her in Ealdor. Everyone thought I was dead and even my mother had made peace with that. I'm just glad…that neither she nor Gaius ever found out what really happened."_

_"I'm sorry." Arthur repeats once more, not knowing what else to say. "I'm just...relieved that you got rescued in the end."_

_"Rescued?" And here, Merlin looks suddenly thoughtful. A bitter smile graces his lips and he shakes his head sadly. "My body was rescued but I was broken inside. I only started to heal when I found you again, Arthur."_

_"And that's why…" Arthur says, trying to make sense of his original question, of why Merlin agreed to what they did earlier in the night._

_"Yes, that why. That's why I like the way you hold me in your power, how you press into me, how you don't hold back. I like it when you're rough. I like it when you make me feel all of you, when you… So fuck me as much as you can all the time. Fuck me hard and rough and raw because that's the only way I know now. That's how I enjoy it. And I don't really mind it if you share me. That's what they did. I hated it at first, so many hands, being bound, being only useful to their cocks. But you're my choice. I want *you* to hold me down and fuck me and break me because I belong to *you*. It makes me forget what I should have forgotten a long time ago. And I'm sorry that I am…what I am."_

_Not knowing what else to say to that, Arthur reaches out and twines their fingers together, touches their forehead against each other. He licks Merlin's lips slowly. Merlin's dark lashes are wet with tears and he licks them too._

_"You're safe now, Merlin. I'm alive and you're gone from that place. And… Thank you for the trust you have in me. I know I wasn't always dependable, even as a friend when I was a King or a Prince. But I am neither of those now. I'm learning to be a better friend, lover, partner, husband even."_

_Merlin just smiles. "And I promise to be everything you need me to be. I'm happy to be your servant, your friend, lover, partner, husband…until the day I die."_

_Despite the somber mood, Arthur finds himself laughing a little bit. "None of that. I thought you told the minister that there's to be no more talk of death?"_

_"I suppose you're right, Sire." Merlin laughs in turn, his tone a little bit teasing. "I think we'll be here until the world ends. Until the Earth crumbles upon itself and takes us along with its destruction."_

_"What? You have no plans of building a magical spaceship so we could repopulate a different planet?"_

_At this, Merlin grins, shaking his head. "You've gotten insane from sleeping too much in Avalon, did you know that? And besides, do you really think you can reproduce? You never gave Gwen any and I have yet to pop out one of your brats. I change to my female form enough and I know that form is fertile. Maybe you're shooting blanks, Your Highness?"_

_"You're insulting me!" Arthur says, mock indignation clearly evident in his face as he shifts quickly and pins Merlin down, fingers grasping tightly around Merlin's wrists. "Female form now! I'm going to fill you up with so much of my come that before the sun rises today, you'll be having at least three babies up inside you."_

_Merlin couldn't help it. He laughed openly even as he accepted the challenge. When he transformed his form into a female, his pussy was already wet and ready and within a heartbeat, Arthur was lifting his legs to rest on his shoulders as he was pressing inside. Merlin moaned, his toes curling as he clenched down on Arthur's cock. It felt so damn good to be fucked like this._

_"Don't hold back." Merlin whispers before pulling Arthur's face down so they could kiss each other properly._

_When they part, Arthur is smiling at him. "I never do. I never will. And thank you for your secret."_

_Merlin smiles back, nods, and pulls him back down again for another kiss._

***

VII. Ten years later

When Merlin found out all that I'd written four years ago, he threatened to burn it. As if. He still hasn't deleted all the videos and photos I've taken of him. I think he secretly enjoys being my porn star. (Wow, I've really gone far from being a noble King/Prince/Knight… I'm now a pornographer in the modern world, just because Merlin had to do all that he did to prove his devotion. And now I'm devoted to documenting his body always. Preferably naked.)

This came as a surprise to me but apparently, I haven't aged a day since I came back gasping into life ten years ago. Merlin had just shrugged and said that his true form had also stopped aging when I died. This brings about complications of course since Merlin is a stage actor and I am a businessman who is doing pretty good with my young company in London. We decide to do this for ten more years before we go either underground and I'll just manage my company like a puppeteer away from the public eye and Merlin will explore his more emo side so he can write books or songs and do local gigs maybe in Ireland. Maybe one day, we'll just uproot ourselves and move to Australia or something.

Because I saw that show about British families moving Down Under and Merlin and I have decided that yes, we probably can have kids one day since he can turn into a bloody girl and actually loves getting fucked like a girl too. lol

***

_"Tell me a secret."_

_Merlin looks up in surprise. "Now?"_

_Granted, it probably wasn't the best time to draw out some secrets from Merlin since he has a deep ocean of them and it seems like most of them are dark and…not really proper conversation while they're out on a date._

_It's been ten years since Arthur has risen up from Avalon. Each year, they try to do something special during the anniversary. This year, they had watched a play called 'Hamlet' in the West End. After the play, they went to have their dinner at Arthur's favorite French restaurant._

_"I like learning more about you, if you haven't noticed." Arthur says, shrugging._

_Merlin grins then sips on his champagne, obviously thinking about what to reveal today. Arthur watches him, waiting patiently. They move on to the main course of Bouillabaisse for Merlin and Steak au poivre and Pommes duchesse for Arthur._

_"You're going to love this one." Merlin says at last, his eyes sparkling with mischief._

_Arthur finds himself letting out a breath of relief that this latest secret isn't a heavy one. Merlin probably chose a light one because of the occasion and for that, Arthur was thankful. "So tell me, MERlin." he says in a tease before sipping on his red wine._

_"Do you want to know when I knew that I loved you?"_

_Arthur coughs in genuine surprise, the red wine he had been sipping on falling down the wrong tube. Merlin looks at him innocently and Arthur glares half-heartedly._

_"I expect you didn't anticipate that one?" Merlin says, grinning a crinkled grin._

_"Continue…" Arthur just says, gesturing with his hand as well._

_"Um," Merlin says before looking down at his hands all of a sudden. "Actually, remember that first time when we met?"_

_"You fell in love with me then? I was appalling!"_

_"No! Yeah, you were a right prat!"_

_"Oi!"_

_Merlin laughs then shakes his head. "No, but it did trigger something in me. You asked me if I could walk on my knees! Did you really imply…*that*?"_

_Arthur chuckles. "What do you think?"_

_"I asked first!"_

_"Maybe. You were kind of cute if a bit young and naive then. And you were just asking for it really. Not my fault."_

_Merlin raises an eyebrow. "And then you turned me around and pressed yourself against my back. I thought I felt something hard poking me."_

_Arthur's eyes are dancing with mirth and he's holding back a full-on guffaw. "You felt that?"_

_"I was an innocent boy of fifteen! How could you?" Merlin counters in mock indignation, though he has a big grin on his face._

_"So that means… When you were petting the unicorn later on, it let you do that because you really were a virgin? Will never…" Arthur holds back whatever else he was going to say._

_"Will, my childhood friend Will?" Merlin says, confused. "Wow, that… Okay, that makes a lot of sense now!"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You were so jealous of him. And I think he was jealous of you too. You thought… Oh this is funny."_

_Arthur rolls his eyes. "So when I fucked you after the unicorn incident…I was your first?"_

_"Obviously," Merlin says, rolling his own eyes. "And to answer your question, I think I loved you before I was prepared to drink the poisoned chalice for you. And you went on and defied your father for me just to get that flower. But I only realized it after you came after me and helped save my hometown from the bandits."_

_Inside, Arthur was reeling at the revelation, shocked, pleased and almost regretful. Back then, he'd been so emotionally immature, so stuck in holding on to the ways of his father, of protocol. Although he and Merlin had started a physical/sexual relationship early on, Arthur had known that it could never be more than that. He'd been open at pursuing women too, for the purpose of marriage. If he'd have known that he could have sired children with Merlin, there would have been no hesitation on his part to take things further. But Merlin had had magic even back then. He'd have lost his head. Things were so much more complicated back then. It was just lucky that they could have the *now* - that they could learn from the past and hope to build a better today and tomorrow._

_"Was that a bad secret to say today?" Merlin is still smiling although something has shuttered in his expression._

_"No," Arthur responds. "Thank you for that secret. I'm just afraid that I couldn't match it."_

_"I wasn't expecting you to. I actually never expected anything from you. I just… I just loved you, protected you… I just was. I just did."_

_Arthur stares at him, feeling humbled. "You're so different from Gwen."_

_Merlin tilts his head to the side, curious._

_"She… I loved her as best as I could. I knew she loved me. But there was one time… This one time when she said that all she wanted was to be my Queen. Maybe she phrased it differently but… You're different because you never expected anything from me. And I abused so much of you before. I never treated you the way you deserved. And you lost me in death. And you waited. All this time. Thousands of years. You just… You." Arthur sighed at his incoherence, swallowing down the emotion he felt. There was a lump in his throat, it seemed._

_Merlin reached out across the table and held his hand. "Arthur, I have loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you far longer than the lives we'll live. Even if we both eventually perish, I believe we'll find each other once again and renew this madness all over again. I was born for you. I'm yours. I've always been and I always will."_

_Later that night, in the privacy of their flat, as they lay under cover of darkness, their naked forms pressed so tight together, Merlin felt the beginnings of life deep inside himself, the stirring of a new soul awakening. He *knew* - he just knew. Finally._

***

VIII. Twelve years later

We name him Alexander with hopes of greatness from him - him, our firstborn son.

He's born in London but we raise him for his first year in Wales where he can play in a little farm house we bought awhile back (and haven't I said it before in our past life that one day Merlin and I will run away from it all and just live in a farm?). This is where he eats his first organic food from the little garden, where we discover that he has magic but not nearly as much as his mum haha, and where we watch with pride as he takes his first steps barefoot during a picnic in a flower field on a lovely summer morning. This is where I also learn that Merlin has hopes for little Alexander to join some secret magic school up in Scotland ten years from now - apparently, long long ago, he trained the four founders of that school or something and helped make magic a secret so that non-magic folk can calm the fuck down… But really, was Merlin planning to mention this little bit of history to me at some point? Idiot. And it doesn't matter that a man named Charlie once mentioned it to me before, this is the first time Merlin said something about it.

Alexander looks like me and has my blond hair but he has Merlin's facial structure and prominent cheekbones, (evident even as an infant for some reason), eyes, and pouty lips. Thankfully, he has my ears, according to Merlin.

There is no greater joy than to have my own flesh and blood - my offspring, the first of mine. Gwen and I never had one and it just seems fitting (as well as hilarious in a way) that it is Merlin and his magical vagina that gives me the fruit of my loins… Merlin, I saw you looking! Little snoop. Old habits never die huh? But yeah, I love you. I love you and I love Alexander. And I love our family.

***

_The cake was only half-eaten since they had decided to only invite three neighborhood kids who were under five years old (and their parents). Hours after the party, the farm house was still in full regala. Merlin had gone all out for their baby's first birthday, decorating the common areas in Pendragon red banners with golden dragons and even a mini-crown for little Alexander. He'd made the cake from scratch and used a little bit of magic so that it was a full-on replica of the Castle of Camelot, complete with Kilgarrah the dragon and a boy prince Alexander replica in the courtyard. Merlin had been a little bit nervous about their neighbors since to them, they seemed to be a homosexual couple but he had been surprised nevertheless at how they didn't seem to care all that much, especially when they saw how much the three of them seemed to be a normal family, despite being unusual. Both Merlin and Alexander really were quite lovable and charming. At Arthur, they just seemed very respectful, as if in the back of their minds, they could sense who he really was._

_The party was a success. There had been food, cake, and even a few party games. Alexander had babbled his way through most of the party before getting cranky as the last guests were leaving._

_In the kitchen, Arthur cleaned up the table and stored the extra food in the fridge as Merlin fussed with their crying baby. When he was done, he crept quietly towards the nursery, curious as he noticed that the crying had seemed to stop. Between the two of them, Merlin had always been better at soothing baby tears. Arthur had always been nervous at dealing with the baby's crying. Play time and feeding time were his favorite, but since he'd never had the experience of dealing with kids when he'd been King or Prince, he let Merlin deal with it._

_The nursery's door was cracked open. Arthur leaned in and peeked inside the room with the light blue walls with the wispy clouds and grand castle painted upon it. In a soft and soothing voice, Merlin was singing a love song and turning it into a lullaby as he lay down the baby inside the crib._

_"It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny, but I gotta let it go… We found love in a hopeless place…"_

_Arthur felt himself swallowing as he listened until the song ended and watched with an odd clench in his heart as Merlin leaned down to kiss Alexander's brow before pulling the side of the crib up and turning off the light. He smiled a little bit as Merlin slowly backed up from the crib before exiting the door. When the nursery's door was closed, Arthur's arms close around Merlin's waist. Arthur finds himself mimicking Merlin, his own lips pressing against Merlin's brow._

_"You're lovely," Arthur whispered in the shell of Merlin's ear. "I'm lucky to have you. We're lucky to have you. Do you want to have another baby?"_

_Merlin simply smiled at him in amusement. "Just to let you know… You're so domesticated, Your Highness."_

_Arthur rolled his eyes even though he's still grinning. "Look who's talking. I'm just surprised you didn't do a magic show too for the party."_

_Before Merlin could laugh and disturb their sleeping baby, Arthur leaned in and kissed him, swallowing the mirth from his lips and tasting the strawberries and cream cake flavor on his tongue. The kiss was slow, filthy, and aggressive, as if to prove a point. Arthur ran his fingers through the fine strands of Merlin's hair then grasped it back with a fist, exposing the long line of throat. He trailed his lips down the expanse of Merlin's neck, dragging his teeth upon it before suckling at the base of the throat, making sure to mark it, and eliciting a deep groan._

_"Time for the adults to celebrate, I think." Arthur growled in Merlin's ear before pressing him hard against the wall, his hands unbuckling Merlin's belt and quickly getting rid of his trousers. "Just be quiet while I fuck you against this wall. Can you do that?"_

_"You…" Merlin's eyes are wide and scandalized since their child is just a door away from them. He's biting his lower lip all of a sudden as he felt a slick finger rubbing against his hole. "You're insane."_

_"Not too domesticated then?" Arthur asked in a low voice, pushing his own trousers down to his knees and then rubbing his cock against Merlin's. "Just be quiet. Alexander won't be traumatized by any of this, I promise you. Yes?"_

_Merlin's eyes bore into Arthur's, and there is both pleasure and love in their depths. Slowly, Merlin nods his head._

_Arthur smirked before grabbing their cocks together while he slowly inches two fingers inside Merlin's hole._

_And in response, Merlin leaned in to kiss him, raising his hands to rub soothing fingers against Arthur's scalp. It felt good. They're still kissing as Arthur picked Merlin off the floor, wrenching Merlin's thighs open so the long legs could wrap around Arthur's waist. Slowly, Arthur lowers Merlin against the wall until his cock is breaching the tight clench of the wet hole. Merlin cries out inside of Arthur's mouth and his eyes shut tightly as he tries to adjust to the feeling of invasion._

_Pulling away from the kiss, Arthur whispered, "Look at me."_

_And when Merlin forced his eyes to open as commanded, he stared back at Arthur - his King, his lover, his everything really._

_"Yeah?" Arthur said as he began to thrust his hips against Merlin's, forcing his cock in and out of the tight space and wrenching gasp after gasp of pleasure from Merlin._

_"Please, Arthur." Merlin mumbled, trying hard not to look away or close his eyes again. Clenching his arse as tight as he could, he tries to feel as much of Arthur's cock as possible._

_They're staring at each other the whole time, staring at each other's soul as their bodies reach their peak and they climax._

_"I wish I could be inside you forever, Merlin. I wish we would never be apart." Arthur confessed in a whisper, still buried deep inside Merlin even as he was slowly softening. His come is spilling from Merlin's hole and it's all wet and sticky and they probably need a shower after this._

_"Maybe we're just a soul that had been divided when you were created. Maybe we're two halves of a whole… That's probably why we crave it so much."_

_Arthur tilted his head to the side, thinking about it and considering it, before shrugging, smirking and kissing the side of Merlin's mouth. "Maybe you're right, Merlin."_

***

IX. Fourteen years later

Yes, a second baby. We call her Estelle and she looks more like him, dark hair, cheekbones, long and slender limbs but no magic so far. Her eyes are the same shade as mine and she has my lips and ears. Alexander loves her at first but then gets jealous then loves her again then gets jealous and when Merlin and I share a look, we are both thinking about how we used to be, in the earliest days of knowing each other.

It's getting kind of busy now with two kids, and we're planning to move back to London to be closer to better schools and amenities. (Wow, I've become enslaved to all this modern crap. I love shopping too much and taking out my Merlin as a man or sometimes a woman haha to decent dates like to the plays, movies, restaurants, museums, concerts, or just whatever London has to offer.)

Moreover, I'd like to move a bit away from Lake Avalon because sometimes, I find Merlin wandering back to that place, arms around himself as if he was very cold while his body shakes as he stares over the water to where I used to be. And when I find him, I hold him until he's stopped shaking. After more than a few times of catching him go back to his old ways, I vowed to go back to London to get him away from that bloody lake…as well as for the lovely dates of course…

***

_"Don't forget. Don't ever forget," Arthur says as they walk side by side towards their house. The kids' babysitter was an old lady who usually stayed overnight once a week and it was during her nights in when Merlin wandered off to Avalon by himself. He can see that Merlin looks ashamed and subdued, fringe covering his eyes. "Don't forget the past. But don't forget also that things are different now."_

_When Merlin looks up, Arthur stares at his eyes. There's a pain there, a pain that may never go away but will only manifest with certain triggers._

_"We might have to move to a different country for awhile. What do you think of living somewhere in Asia?" Arthur asks with a small smile on his lips._

_Merlin's lips twitch slightly as he stares back at Arthur in amused curiosity. "Asia?"_

_Arthur grins mysteriously._

***

X. Eighteen years later

I honestly didn't think I'd wait this long to write again. I guess life got in the way?

I'm happy to say that Alexander is coping well as a modern wizard boy, the one that needs a wand at age eleven to properly channel his powers and there are little accidents with regards to his powers. Estelle is a little bit like Morgana who has dreams of the future happening but it's not strong and the dreams happen very rarely. Even at age four, despite having long dark hair and cheekbones like Merlin, I'm surprised that she is a lot like me physically so I make sure to train her in weapons and although she can wield a tiny wooden sword replica almost as well as her brother Alexander at age six, her strength is in the bow and arrow. She reminds me of that Hunger Games heroine Katniss but with a hint of Morgana in her - the good side of Morgana anyway.

This is the year when we moved to Kyoto, Japan needing a reboot in our lives due to our bodies that don't age. Merlin is happy with the move but when I express a bit of worry about the Once and Future King business and when I'm needed again, he just says that as long as we have broadband and a smartphone, we'll know immediately when we're needed. Actually, he mentioned that most of Japan has high-speed fiber Internet connection instead of broadband so even better!

Kyoto is beautiful because it is a mix of old and new world. The magic is strong here and much revered and it is the first time that I see Merlin look like the carefree boy who was new to Camelot all those years ago. He's healing nicely here.

In a year, being immersed in a local Japanese school, the kids are interacting and speaking in Japanese so much better than me. Merlin becomes an English teacher at a local uni here while I play at being a stay-at-home dad for a few months while I concentrate on learning how to play Call of Duty (and yes, I work from home too, being a British/Japanese financial consultant but it's not my focus). I pick up my family after school ends and bring them to parks, swimming pools, or sports after school (and we go ahead and just eat sushi or ramen or Korean BBQ at a restaurant afterwards since the local food is so good). And then I start training under a Kendo master so I could learn a new kind of sword fighting. I drag Alexander and Estelle into this while Merlin is content in staying outside and reading his books under the shade of a Camphor tree.

And when the kids and I are done at the end of training, carrying our bamboo swords and laughing, I just really have to stop and smile because Merlin is still reading without noticing us, the sunset's orange light and the shadows of leaves from above playing on his open face like all those years ago whenever I catch him reading with an open smile on his face. He is still the boy from a little village, one who was so smart and loved reading more than training (like a proper lad would be expected to during that time). Nothing ever really changes, does it?

***

_The boot of the car was packed with their luggages and in the backseat, the kids were laughing about a game on their handheld consoles that they were mutually playing in two-player mode. Arthur's waiting at the back of the school, near the door of the teachers' lounge when Professor Emrys Pendragon finally exits._

_Merlin looks like the proper English teacher (a proper import from the UK), although he often looks even younger than some of his students. He's dressed perfectly as one too, crisp white oxford shirt that he buttons up to his throat, grey slacks that fit well and accentuated his long legs (and arse), a black knitted cardigan that clings to his slim frame, and shiny black shoes. He's carrying a leather portfolio against his chest like a student would and he's wearing black-framed glasses (his only disguise to distinguish him from his recent UK stage actor persona…very "Superman" of him). His long black fringe is falling slightly over his glasses and cheekbones and when he spots Arthur, he smiles happily and walks forward a little faster. (He better run fast - he's gotten quite the reputation in the University since he's one of the few foreign teachers and he was mysterious, beautiful, and sexy enough to warrant marriage proposals and indecent proposals from young and old and female and male alike, to both Merlin and Arthur's horror.)_

_Days like these, when Arthur picks Merlin up from work and there's the chest-constricting feeling of being lucky to be alive and having Merlin as his constant companion, he is oddly reminded of a time when Merlin couldn't bear to be parted from him - had felt the need to be beside him always - "just in case." Merlin has come a long way from that. They are together every day yet these recent years, they can spend some time apart due to jobs, school, or even hobbies…so long as they are together at the end of the day (because that's home)._

_"Hi." Merlin says before leaning in almost shyly and giving Arthur a peck on the cheek, mindful of students who might be close by. "Have you been waiting long?"_

_"Not too long, no." Arthur grins, trying to restrain himself from pulling Merlin in and giving him a soul-searing kiss. "Are you ready for the Summer break in Tokyo?"_

_Merlin nods. "And climbing Mount Fuji. You really think the kids are ready to climb it with us?"_

_Arthur just laughs. "I've been responsible for making sure that they could defend themselves as soon as they could walk - of course they're ready."_

_"And the anime con too." Merlin continues, biting his lower lip in worry. "Did you get their costumes packed? It's their first Cosplay. I mean, I know I packed them last night but did you bring all the luggages? There should be two, one for us and one for them."_

_"Of course I did." Arthur says, amused. He nudges Merlin's arm with his as they walk side by side, like they used to back in Camelot when they're in the public eye._

_They're almost at the car. They could clearly hear the kids (a blond boy and a black-haired girl) talking in rapid-fire Japanese, arguing about who should get a treasure chest in the game they're playing. Behind the car, they could see that the sun was slowly going down to set against the backdrop of mountains from far away. Before Merlin could lean down to greet the kids from outside their window, Arthur turns him around and crowds him against the car's frame. He presses his solid form against Merlin's much slighter one, eyes looking soul-deep into Merlin's even though Merlin was wearing those geeky but sexy black-framed glasses._

_"Arthur!" Merlin exclaims in surprise, half in panic because they're in public and half in flabbergasted joy, clearly enjoying it as well._

_Arthur just smirks before leaning forward and catching Merlin's lips with his own, catching the breath that the other man was about to make and tasting strawberries, chocolate, and earl grey tea (his afternoon snack no doubt). He goes deep for it, feeling the moan that's caught in Merlin's throat as his hands go up to grab on to Merlin's long fringe. He pulls Merlin's hair backwards as he pushes forward even more, his tongue darting in to explore the wet warmth of Merlin's mouth. It's barely been five seconds before they part and yet they both gasp, feeling out of breath. Merlin's looking down at his shoes and there is a lovely flush in his cheeks._

_"Sorry," Arthur murmurs, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and feeling sheepish but not regretful. His other hand brushes Merlin's jaw though and tilts it up so Merlin's looking at him from beneath his lashes. "Couldn't resist."_

_At this, Merlin just shrugs, laughing a little before giving him a split-second hug. "You're such a prat, Your Majesty."_

_Arthur just chuckles as Merlin turns and greets the kids in Japanese, with no British accent whatsoever (the show-off). They load the car and head for Kyoto Railway Station. The bullet train ride to Tokyo is in an hour so they'll have enough time to park and grab some bento and dessert for dinner. Arthur's at the wheel of the car, feeling smug and happy and complete with Merlin, their boy and their girl, and yet another adventure._

***

XI. Twenty three years later

We've been back in England for a year, this time settling in Norfolk, near the sea. The kids have settled in well at the local grammar school, all proper in their ties and blazers as opposed to the stylish military-style uniform that they wore in Japan. They've still got their proper little English accents and their please and thank yous, thank heavens. They miss old friends but gain new ones just like Merlin and I do.

In the summer, our firstborn received his school letter from Hogwarts and on September the first, it is with a pang in my stomach that I watch my son wheel his trolley full of trunks with books, school robes, and potion kit and the cat carrier up on top. Alexander has grown so tall, he's almost to my shoulder at his age. And he looks regal and princely and, already, the girls are looking at him intently as he smiles openly but with an air of dignity. That's my boy.

Nine year old Estelle laughs it off but I know that she is worried about magic also - her own. Is she or isn't she? We'll have to see two years from now, I guess. Merlin himself doesn't push the issue, knowing that she should be content with whatever life throws at her.

Before Alexander boards the train, he looks back at us and smiles, and I see Merlin's smile in the crinkles of his eyes so much that it hurts.

I feel a squeeze on my hand and turn to look at Merlin. He has tears in his eyes but a big smile on his face, with crinkles in his eyes that were far too much like our son's.

"You big sap," I said even though I knew I also had tears in mine.

***

XII. Twenty five years later

Happy to report that Estelle has been invited to attend Hogwarts too! In an uncharacteristic display (like a nutter), she ran around the house in joy and proceeded to wrestle her big brother shouting "I knew it!" at the top of her lungs and defeating him easily, my little warrior girl. I know I won't be worried for her because I taught her well. This Summer, Merlin and I went through the same torture of seeing another baby off to boarding school at King's Cross while they both teased us and told us to do more dates now that we were empty-nesters or something. Whelps.

Two years ago, Alexander was housed in Ravenclaw because he's apparently a nerd. Estelle writes us through owl post (it's hilarious really - we used to use crows…do the owls looks smarter?) that she got Slytherin. She also tells us about a recent war and how Slytherin used to be known as a place where bad kids went (and Merlin gives me more details on this - really, Merlin, when were you gonna tell me that there was a magical war just a few years before I woke up from death?). Estelle says that things are changing though and the bad reputation is nothing to her because she is the daughter of the greatest wizard past, present, and future *AND* the once and future king. So I write her back and tell her that she's right of course but her head needed a bit of deflating so that the castle doesn't break. ("Mummy's right - you are a prat!" she writes back.)

And yes, the kids were right about one thing. It did feel like an empty nest. So Merlin and I decide to move back to London to have our dinners and dates and once in awhile, go to Glasgow and Cardiff and even Kyoto and American roads.

And once in awhile, I have the urge to fuck my husband in seven continents once again.

***

XIII. Fifty five years later

It's sort of humbling to find yourself a grandparent. You're old but look young so for propriety's sake, Merlin and I decide that we'll start using a bit of aging glamour so as not to confuse the new babies. We know that this family of ours is mortal and life and death will come to them normally even as we watch from the sidelines and learn to let go and let them live their lives.

Alexander and Estelle convince Merlin and I to do another wedding since it is technically our fiftieth anniversary and the first one we had had been a hilarious one in a little chapel in Las Vegas that treated weddings like it was fast food.

So I suppose we both look kind of smart during a surprisingly sunny day with the North Sea behind us as once more, with feeling, we say our vows and I dos to one another with stupid smiles in our faces. We're surrounded by friends from all over the world, most from Glasgow, London, Cardiff, Norfolk, Kyoto, and a pair of brothers from America who have aged well. Of course there's Gwaine who still looks like a Lothario in his middle ages and he smiles fondly at the memories of that erotic night in our flat (and he's married and with grandkids of his own too - who knew?).

And when, after the reception, after we released some parachute lights in the darkening sky, Merlin looks shyly at me after all these years and asks me in a soft voice if I'm really here to stay, I find that there really are no words because one can't promise that. But I hold him close and just whisper his own words back to him, from fifty years back, "when death comes, there will never be another parting. If you die, I will follow."

And of course, for the honeymoon, my request is granted when we disappear for almost half a year as I fulfill my bucket list of making love to my beautiful husband in every country in the world.

***

XIV. One hundred years later

This is just a courtesy journal entry. Life can't really be summarized in words, I've learned. It just is. Nevertheless, I guess I can put a list of my top ten favorite memories frozen from the lens of my trusty camera.

10 - A photo of us together during the early days, just sleeping under white sheets, Merlin's face tucked against my neck and my arms around his waist

09 - Wedding#1 - tacky-ass Las Vegas Wedding

08 - My beautiful husband up on stage as an actor, cheered for and loved by the masses…how it should have been back in Camelot

07 - Climbing Mt Fuji together as a family with the children struggling with the 10-hour climb but reaching the summit as dawn broke - one-armed shot of all four of us looking exhausted but very accomplished

06 - Four-way Tie - Watching the kids leave for Hogwarts (both of them) then graduating seven years later (bless them)

05 - Learning about how much my idiotic husband Merlin had set up the magical world and even set up the non-magical government to cooperate with the secret magic society… In a Dragon camp in Romania, as Merlin nuzzles and talks his strange talk with a ferocious green dragon, I took a snapshot of him and realized for the first time how important and powerful he truly is…how vital not only to me but to the whole world and all its people for all of time

04 - Going to Hogwarts and seeing the most powerful person there speak to Merlin with such reverence (I think the man was a magical war hero called Henry Potter? Something like that.) When I took Merlin's photo as he looked flustered and embarrassed, as if he didn't deserve the attention, I remembered a conversation we had once long ago (that he never did what he did for the recognition)… Something in me felt shaken when that happened. It was hard to believe that I deserved him. That anyone ever could and that I was lucky.

03 - A photo of Merlin with a pout. It was during a road trip in America all those years back. This is purely a photo I loved because it looked really good with the sun shining in his hair and his eyes. I knew we were fighting that day and he was pouting as a result. I don't remember what the fight was about but I just knew that a split second after I took the shot, the lovely little pout changes to a laugh because of my paparazzi mode and a tacky joke that I must've made. We'd been exhausted about the drive, I think and had parked in the middle of nowhere - lost. I just knew that we had *excellent* car sex after I got him to laugh. He complained afterwards though that it was hard to sit with how rough I must've been with his little bottom. Made me remember years back when he was sore when he mounted his horse and I might have asked the same question (Is your little bottom sore?)...tied with Wedding#2.

02 - Tie - birth of both our children - Merlin was stuck in female form for nearly a year each to create them and to me, he was beautiful no matter what form he took but especially when he was creating life. As were the tiny bundles that he and I created that wailed like banshees from time to time.

01 - A photo I took just now. He's back to looking like a geeky schoolboy with black-framed glasses and is wearing a proper school uniform as he de-aged himself a bit to look like a Catholic school boy student in our new home here in Rome. He's a lot shorter than me. I'm posing as his older cousin who works as a financial advisor to a local firm (Business agrees with me, it seems.). The photo is the both of us, a one-armed shot as I reached around him while standing behind him. I think he enjoys the carefree life of being a student and living like a kid again. It's kind of kinky, especially when it comes to sex. I think he de-aged himself to be sixteen or younger (probably illegal)? I don't know. It makes my blood boil when I'm pounding into his sweet little arse though. He's so tiny and seems so breakable, but still my proper little schoolboy slut. He teases me endlessly that next time when we move to Paris, he'll de-age himself and transform himself to a little school girl so I could properly deflower his pussy again. My Lord…what the hell happened to the innocent young boy from Ealdor?

***

_Post-coitus, Merlin smiles sleepily against Arthur's bicep, his eyes closing as sleep is slowly trying to take away his consciousness. Despite feeling groggy though, he manages to mutter, "Arthur?"_

_"Yes?" Arthur says, a contented smile on his own lips as his fingers are playing with the cum that's seeping out of Merlin's hole (he'll clean it later - after play time)._

_"You're such a pervert…anyone ever tell you that?"_

_"You do," Arthur says with a little chuckle. "Everyday."_

_"Because you are. What ever happened to my noble King?"_

_"Uhuh…your point being?"_

_"Don't ever change… I want you… to always be you…"_

_Realizing the familiar words, Arthur playfully pinches Merlin's sides, making him jump slightly and stare in surprise at Arthur._

_"I just said that, didn't I?" Merlin said, grinning a little with the little crinkles at the sides of his eyes._

_"Idiot." Arthur says before leaning in and resting their foreheads together._

_"Prat." Merlin whispers back in a tired but happy voice, relaxing and letting himself drift off, feeling safe and secure in the circle of Arthur's arms._

**The End**


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